She comes when she is ready
not straight on where I can see her
but obliquely from the shadows
or from the darkening surround
or when I am sleeping
she comes at her convenience
certainly not at mine
And I am never ready
I never see her coming
I cannot anticipate or prepare
so I delude myself
by making checklists
or sketching outlines while
imagining my schemes and stratagems
as fully realized dreams
It keeps me busy though
gives me a sense of control
sometimes I begin to believe that
perhaps I truly am master of my fate
especially after a few good days
when I am full of rich pudding
and sleepy and congratulating myself
on how well I have planned
how skillfully I have managed
But I delude myself of course
I should know by now that
this is when she likely will intrude
capricious sometimes
or devilish
or delightful
or even mean-spirited
she comes when she is ready
she comes with her own schemes
I am never consulted
Marv Himmel
November 15, 2017 ©