I Am An Old Man

I sense you now and then
elusive and ephemeral
I am unsure
but my limited mind tells me 
you must really be there

Long ago I think I knew you
before the rules 
before the shoulds
the nevers and the don’ts
shaped me into what I am

Now, an old man
I want to know you again
and if I can drop my walls
my judgements and
my preconceptions
perhaps you will show yourself
show me who and what you really are

I want to know your name
your colors in the daylight
and in the evening
your shape
your smell
your touch
I want to understand

I want to know if 
you are good or evil
and if my fences 
were meant to keep you close
or away

I am a creature of the light
yet you tease me in shadows
you flit across the corners of my vision
you dance behind me
you glide through memories
and waking dreams

I can never see you clearly though
never certainly
and I wonder why that is
is your beauty so hot it would burn
or would your ugliness sicken me
or both and would you care

I sense you now and then
at least I think I do
but I can never see you clearly
please show yourself
I am an old man

Marv Himmel ©
February 1, 2020 

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